Before my son arrived I loved reading and rough-housing with my nephew. I was the aunt who begged to sit in the backseat so I could read to him and hold his hand. I yearned to push his stroller and give him piggy back rides. But now that I am mom, I find myself stepping back from being so intimate with him. What happened?
I still look very much forward to visiting him and my niece but now instead of running around with them, I'd much rather watch them from the sidelines as they play with my son, their cousin.
I'm not sure what happened but somehow my attitude towards children shifted after the birth of my son. Perhaps its because I am always in the trenches with my own son everyday and these moments aren't so few and far between anymore. Or, perhaps its because my focus has changed and I see how children demand so much attention. Or, maybe just maybe, since I am the main disciplinarian -- I just don't have the same patience as I did before.
On the other hand, I must admit I do get a bit envious that our son gets so excited to see Daddy as he walks in the door after a long day at work. He instantly grabs a book or toy and insists that he plays with him. Demanding, "Daddy sit!" Or, while visiting my childless best friend from elementary school, how he grabs her hand to lead her to read his favorite book over and over, saying, "Again?" Or, how a simple treat that I could offer him a hundred times can be so enticing and welcoming from anyone but me.
Even so, I still crave the intimate moments with my son. I realize that he is only this age for so long. I try desperately to put cleaning, cooking, and other mundane household tasks aside to enjoy the moments when he wants to be held with his blanket and says "I watch Ty (T.V.)?" or says, "Mama play!"
I find it interesting to observe the similarities between my girlfriends, cousins, and sister-in-laws without children and how I used to be. How they come in with a treat in hand, swoop up the kids and twirl them around, and have no qualms about reading the same books over and over again.
Maybe I am not that much different. Maybe I just needed a different perspective. Maybe I can be the fun Aunt again!
